This first one will be long, my friends....

Whilst drinking my morning cup o' joe, I find myself contemplating how much my family has changed over my lifetime.  In fact, the meaning of the word "family" itself has changed many times in the 54 years I've been on this planet.  So, I decided to start journaling (I can't get used to that word 'blogging') my thoughts in a (perhaps futile) attempt at finding some sense of order or direction.  Partly because I can't seem to remember shit these days, but more because I value the insight my friends may have as my family changes in ways I fail to fully (really, barely) understand.

I could start (literally) at the beginning, but I think I want to start with the topsy-turvy place I'm in right now.  Drama always makes for better reading, am I right?

Ty's been a part of my family (officially) since July 24, 2015, and what a wild ride it has been so far! There never seems to be any gray area in his (or my) ping-pong game of emotions.  One moment we're laughing until our sides feel like they're going to split, and the next he's screaming in my face followed by furniture or colorful language being thrown.  He retreats to his bedroom...and I burst into tears on the couch.

Enter James.  Thank God for James.  He seems to have this magical way about him that makes Ty feel safe enough to talk about the horrific life he experienced before entering foster care.  Ty couldn't ask for a better big brother, and I couldn't ask for a better son.  James is my sounding board and stabilizer, and much-needed comic relief when discussions get a little heated.  He may say some inappropriate things at times (make that often) but his heart is always in the right place and his love is strong.

I've (half) jokingly said to my friends that I don't think I can do this and am ready to "resign from parenting," but then I see James and Ty together and my heart is full.  When Ty's fears of abandonment surface and the anger spews out at me testing my fortitude, I thank God that I'm able to respond back with, "I love you, and nothing you do will ever change that."

Hence the blog name.  Ohana means family.  Family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.  Thanks, Lilo and Stitch.  Couldn't have said it better myself.